It’s sad that the sigma associated with the sex work industry compels women sex workers to justify their career choice. This is a lot more than a desperate message trying to convince the world that I’m not a dirty whore; I’m hoping that discussion of my dreams and decisions will inspire others to think more deeply about sexuality in society in and in their person life. Since Bella Knox decided to speak out, there’s been a lot more talk about the sex industry, and I’d like to add my voice to the discussion.
My decision to enter the adult industry is a result of 3 major factors: 1.) My passion for sex, both as an act and as a subject of intellectual interest. 2.) My desire to give others sexual pleasure, especially in a society where sex is generally frowned upon and virginity is valued. 3.) My confidence in my body, sexuality, and my devotion to making the world a more sex positive space.
I’ve been a sex being since I entered puberty. I’ve been kinky since early childhood. I’ve struggled with social anxiety for most of my life, which makes it difficult to talk to others. During my teens, I discovered that while I still had difficulty with small talk, flirting came naturally to me. It boosted my self-confidence. Sex gave me a new skill. People thanked me for giving them amazing orgasms, and giving others pleasure gives me such joy (see 2.) It conquered my anxiety in all aspects of my life. I got better at making phone calls, communicating with people, performing responsibilities on my own. Kink introduced me to a network of wonderful people and new friends. Accepting and embracing my sexuality completely changed my life. It inspired an intellectual curiosity in the subject, so I could learn how to help others improve their lives by thinking more positively about their sexual desires (see 3.)
There is nothing that brightens my day more than seeing a man’s astonished face as I give him one of the best orgasms he’s had in months. There’s both a fetish and non-fetish aspect in my love of giving others pleasure. A fetish, by definition, gives one sexual excitement. I can spend an entire day extremely horny for someone, then give him a blowjob and feel completely satisfied. My biggest and most extreme kink involves sacrificing some aspects of myself for another’s pleasure. On a non-fetish level, I’m truly devoted to ensuring that people are able to experience sexual pleasure and embrace their sexualities (see 3.) The great thing about sex work is that it exists to get people off. At the same time, I get to have sex — which I love — and get off as well. Everyone wins.
I feel like I need to creative a positive impact on the world before I die. My goal: To work towards a greater acceptance of sex in our society, both on a large scale and individually, providing people with great sexual experiences. Sexuality changed my life for the better — I want others to share my experience. I feel so strongly in this endeavor that I’m willing to put to put up with all the disgust directed at me. Ultimately, I aim to mitigate the stigma surrounding sex work and improve safety in the adult industry.
Lastly I want to address some concerns that people have:
1.) “You’ll ruin your career.”
I’ve had extensive conversations with people in the tech company at both small start ups and large companies such as google about my job prospects and potential treatment in the workplace. I’ve concluded that I’ll be able to continue to pursue my career in computer science. Sexism in the workplace is always a problem for women in tech, and I wouldn’t want to work for a company that had strong issues with sex work.
2.) “You’ll get disrespected and taken advantage of.”
I personally know a lot of people in the sex industry, both in front and behind the camera. I have a pretty well rounded view of the experience from horror stories and amazing experiences. I’m not an idealist. I do my research and have a pretty good sense of who is safe to work with and who isn’t. It is inevitable that I’ll have bad experiences, maybe even really bad ones. And also great ones. So far, my experience has been pretty fantastic. I’ve also been disrespected and had my limits broken in the past. I’m lucky enough that these things don’t really get to me (although that in no way permits anyone to disrespect someone and their body. Ever.)
3.) “People are going to say terrible things about you.” I acknowledge and accept this. I get remarks from camming about how I’m a whore. To be a good sex worker, you simply can’t let these things get to you or you will fail. I’m pretty strong and able to ignore comments such as these. If it happens on a larger scale, it’ll be more difficult, but I’m prepared to deal with these disparaging remarks.
4.) “You’re degrading yourself by exchanging money for sex.”
I’m actually quite respected in the work I’ve done. People constantly tell me they appreciate me for my intelligence and are really thankful for the sex. There are jerks who don’t respect me, and the majority do. And this is true with any job. There will always be nasty employers and co-workers and great people to work with. This is particularly true in computer science, where I constantly have to deal with sexism. I do not feel degraded at all. I’m really proud of the work I do. I get to have sex and get paid for it. Everyone should strive for a job they truly love, but it’s still a job, and they should certainly receive compensation for their hard work. This holds true with sex work as well. I’m providing a service for someone – I really fucking enjoy it – but I deserve something in return. I work really hard to make someone happy and satisfied, especially if that’s something they can’t do in their personal life. I can even have great, friendly relationships with my clients. The same is true with my video work – I take it seriously and want to create something that people can be happy to jerk off to. It’s really rewarding. And, yes, it’s work. And, yes, it’s as hot as fuck.
5.) “Sex is special/sacred. You won’t be able to have that special connection in your personal life.”
I’m not going to argue with the religious aspect. I’m not religious and don’t share this view, but you’re entitled to your opinion in your own personal life. I do want to emphasize how much I love sex, so yes, it’s still just as awesome and amazing in my personal life. Combining romance with sex is one of the most incredible and intimate experiences, and nothing I do is going to change that. Each experience has its place in my life, and none of the sex I have is going to affect the quality of the other sex I have in different contexts.