Why I Love Sex Work

It’s sad that the sigma associated with the sex work industry compels women sex workers to justify their career choice. This is a lot more than a desperate message trying to convince the world that I’m not a dirty whore; I’m hoping that discussion of my dreams and decisions will inspire others to think more deeply about sexuality in society in and in their person life. Since Bella Knox decided to speak out, there’s been a lot more talk about the sex industry, and I’d like to add my voice to the discussion.

My decision to enter the adult industry is a result of 3 major factors: 1.) My passion for sex, both as an act and as a subject of intellectual interest. 2.) My desire to give others sexual pleasure, especially in a society where sex is generally frowned upon and virginity is valued. 3.) My confidence in my body, sexuality, and my devotion to making the world a more sex positive space.

I’ve been a sex being since I entered puberty. I’ve been kinky since early childhood. I’ve struggled with social anxiety for most of my life, which makes it difficult to talk to others. During my teens, I discovered that while I still had difficulty with small talk, flirting came naturally to me. It boosted my self-confidence. Sex gave me a new skill. People thanked me for giving them amazing orgasms, and giving others pleasure gives me such joy (see 2.) It conquered my anxiety in all aspects of my life. I got better at making phone calls, communicating with people, performing responsibilities on my own. Kink introduced me to a network of wonderful people and new friends. Accepting and embracing my sexuality completely changed my life. It inspired an intellectual curiosity in the subject, so I could learn how to help others improve their lives by thinking more positively about their sexual desires (see 3.)

There is nothing that brightens my day more than seeing a man’s astonished face as I give him one of the best orgasms he’s had in months. There’s both a fetish and non-fetish aspect in my love of giving others pleasure. A fetish, by definition, gives one sexual excitement. I can spend an entire day extremely horny for someone, then give him a blowjob and feel completely satisfied. My biggest and most extreme kink involves sacrificing some aspects of myself for another’s pleasure. On a non-fetish level, I’m truly devoted to ensuring that people are able to experience sexual pleasure and embrace their sexualities (see 3.) The great thing about sex work is that it exists to get people off. At the same time, I get to have sex — which I love — and get off as well. Everyone wins.

I feel like I need to creative a positive impact on the world before I die. My goal: To work towards a greater acceptance of sex in our society, both on a large scale and individually, providing people with great sexual experiences. Sexuality changed my life for the better — I want others to share my experience. I feel so strongly in this endeavor that I’m willing to put to put up with all the disgust directed at me. Ultimately, I aim to mitigate the stigma surrounding sex work and improve safety in the adult industry.

Lastly I want to address some concerns that people have:

1.) “You’ll ruin your career.”

I’ve had extensive conversations with people in the tech company at both small start ups and large companies such as google about my job prospects and potential treatment in the workplace. I’ve concluded that I’ll be able to continue to pursue my career in computer science. Sexism in the workplace is always a problem for women in tech, and I wouldn’t want to work for a company that had strong issues with sex work.

2.) “You’ll get disrespected and taken advantage of.”

I personally know a lot of people in the sex industry, both in front and behind the camera. I have a pretty well rounded view of the experience from horror stories and amazing experiences. I’m not an idealist. I do my research and have a pretty good sense of who is safe to work with and who isn’t. It is inevitable that I’ll have bad experiences, maybe even really bad ones. And also great ones. So far, my experience has been pretty fantastic. I’ve also been disrespected and had my limits broken in the past. I’m lucky enough that these things don’t really get to me (although that in no way permits anyone to disrespect someone and their body. Ever.)

3.) “People are going to say terrible things about you.” I acknowledge and accept this. I get remarks from camming about how I’m a whore. To be a good sex worker, you simply can’t let these things get to you or you will fail. I’m pretty strong and able to ignore comments such as these. If it happens on a larger scale, it’ll be more difficult, but I’m prepared to deal with these disparaging remarks.

4.) “You’re degrading yourself by exchanging money for sex.”

I’m actually quite respected in the work I’ve done. People constantly tell me they appreciate me for my intelligence and are really thankful for the sex. There are jerks who don’t respect me, and the majority do. And this is true with any job. There will always be nasty employers and co-workers and great people to work with. This is particularly true in computer science, where I constantly have to deal with sexism. I do not feel degraded at all. I’m really proud of the work I do. I get to have sex and get paid for it. Everyone should strive for a job they truly love, but it’s still a job, and they should certainly receive compensation for their hard work. This holds true with sex work as well. I’m providing a service for someone – I really fucking enjoy it – but I deserve something in return. I work really hard to make someone happy and satisfied, especially if that’s something they can’t do in their personal life. I can even have great, friendly relationships with my clients. The same is true with my video work – I take it seriously and want to create something that people can be happy to jerk off to. It’s really rewarding. And, yes, it’s work. And, yes, it’s as hot as fuck.

5.) “Sex is special/sacred. You won’t be able to have that special connection in your personal life.”

I’m not going to argue with the religious aspect. I’m not religious and don’t share this view, but you’re entitled to your opinion in your own personal life. I do want to emphasize how much I love sex, so yes, it’s still just as awesome and amazing in my personal life. Combining romance with sex is one of the most incredible and intimate experiences, and nothing I do is going to change that. Each experience has its place in my life, and none of the sex I have is going to affect the quality of the other sex I have in different contexts.

- Pixie

 

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The Zimmerman Verdict

I constantly talk and write about my love for humanity – how interesting, caring, and brilliant people can be. But sometimes it’s hard to have faith in our race. Dance is such a powerful form of social interaction because it is both universal and intimate. Humanity has an instinct for rhythm. When we hear a beat, we move our bodies, and we move together, united by the organized sound we call music. Music synchronizes not only our bodies but our spirits. When we let go of all our anxieties, language and cultural barriers break down. We are exposed with our shields down, but this vulnerability allows us to connect and understand each other on a deep, primal level. We all need to let ourselves go and give into the music. If we all danced together, the world would be a peaceful place.

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Skin

A lot of my time has been occupied with thoughts about how I’m altering my body.  I know I talk about the body a lot and how much I love the human body — hey this is a blog about the body and spirit, so what do you expect? — but I want to devote some writing to human skin.

Our skin is our protective covering, our armor.  We can think of the human body as a physical support system of our mind.  Due do emergent behavior, a neural network gives us thought and memory and becomes our mind.  The rest of our body gives our mind a connection to the world, allows us to interpret, experience, affect and be affected by our physical environment. Maintaining this physical connection to the world requires energy, which we process through food. How we maintain the house of our mind — how we live — is extremely complicated and almost magical.  Thinking about how all our organs work together to keep us alive without malfunctioning every minute astounds me.  And the skin puts all those organs together into one neat package. While our different bodily systems do work together, it’s our skin that really unites us into into one being: one mind inside one body.

The skin is a contradiction.  It is both really tough and really fragile.  We cut it, and it heals.  We can burn it or break it, and it will still come back, although in a different form.  Thus, it is incredibly easy to mark up as well.  One cut a bit too deep leaves a scar that will last a year or a lifetime.  It’s incredibly easy to permanently alter the skin with less pain than one would expect.  Scarification and tattoos are good examples.  After only 30 minutes of being pierced with needles, we can be left with a design that will fade, but will remain until we die.

Skin is also surprisingly strong.  I’ve recently learned that a small section of skin — a few inches — is strong enough to hold up 70 lbs.  2 small hooks in my back would be enough to hold my entire weight.  Trusting your skin to hold your weight as you’re suspended in the air must be an incredible and spiritual experience that requires trust and awareness of one’s body and its capabilities.

The skin is also our outermost connection to the world.  It holds our nerves.  Our nerves let us connect to other humans.  A sensual touch runs past the nerves into the brain and soul.  Touch can connect two human beings on such a deep level.  When I’m touching a close friend or a lover, all barriers between us break down.  Thoughts, feelings run uninterrupted through our intertwined bodies.  It’s a beautiful and vulnerable state.

Also, our bodies are our protective shell.  People do not just see and know our minds.  We don’t want to share our thoughts with the world.  To everyone else, our bodies are what everyone else sees; our bodies represent who we are to all but ourselves.  As our mind and soul’s one true possession, we have the right to do with it what we will. Your body should portray your personality. Love it, spoil it, decorate it. Live.

It’s ours.

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My Inner Fire

I’ve been designing my first tattoo for about six years. I wanted something that represented me at my core, a constant in my life. When my goals seem to fall apart and I wander around life’s white, florescent-light corridors, I want a compass, a brilliant sun that will guide away me away from the maze and point me towards luscious landscapes drenched in life that seeps out of every leaf and flower.  The design formed slowly over the years, at first rapidly changing and evolving and eventually settling into something as stable and permanent as my essence — my soul if you believe in such things. It took the form of a phoenix, strong yet graceful, fire streaming from her outstretched wings and tail.

She was strong yet graceful, her tail flowing down my back, her wings reaching across my shoulder blades, and her beak pointed up to the sky, determined to fly towards the sun. She is formed from the fire that burns in the spirit, the creative fire that fuels all my creative work, motivates me to discover, create, and give to the world.

Soon she will be inked in my skin.  The pain of the needle continuously piercing my skin will remind me of the permanence of my tattoo, the my phoenix will also be inside me.  The pain is a physical manifestation of the fire, just as the tattoo itself is a visual representation for something completely intangible.

Rising from the ashes, she reminds me how deaths create new life, how ends create new beginnings, how one can rise above the difficult times in life.  I’ve come to realize that kink is an essential part of my life.  Life the phoenix, after I’m beaten and broken in a scene, I rise again, stronger than ever before. So, whenever I’m feeling lost or unsure of myself, I can look at the phoenix to guide me towards the sun.

 

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Will You Dance with Me?

It feels like years since I’ve last posted year.  Unfortunately life and writer’s block have gotten in the way.  I’ve finally returned with a short post about dancing.

When I say I’m a dancer, I probably don’t fit the description you have in your head.  I don’t do ballet; I’m probably the most inflexible woman you’ll ever meet; I do not work out and devote a large portion of my day to professional dance.  I’m a folk dancer.  I dance for fun in school gyms with both sweaty men and young students.  I tie bells and ribbons to my legs and make a fool of myself.  I dress in gowns and stately promenade around the ballroom floor. I’m a social dancer.  I dance to free myself, to celebrate my body and humanity with other people.

Ballerinas may choose to devote their careers to dance.  I devote my life to dance.  I cannot imagine how my life would be if I didn’t bravely grab a strangers hand and join the set for my first contra dance.  It cured my nervousness and perpetual anxiety. When I danced, I didn’t have to worry about what people thought of me; I could just be myself.  It cured my social insecurities and shyness.  I found a way to socialize and flirt with my eyes and body.  It also brought with it membership in a wonderful, welcoming community and true friendships.

Contra dance is the gateway drug to to folk/social dance community.  It’s friendly, casual, takes no skill, and all one has to do is follow the directions of the caller, so no memorization is required.  Once I got comfortable with my body I explored other more difficult forms of dancing.  I always loved being the center of attention, and I found a new mode of performance that let me take the spotlight again as I performed traditional dances for crowds.  I was also no longer shy about dancing in clubs.  I danced for hours straight.  Occasionally I would even stand up on the blocks, seductively dancing to the crowds below.  I had gone from fearing social interaction and hating dance to not caring what people thought of me and just enjoying myself to, finally, being so comfortable in my body to use it as a sexual tool.

It’s easy to see how dance and sex are related.  They both focus on physicality and require awareness of the body.  Even so, I used to think of the metaphor of sex as a dance as too flowery a metaphor. Then, people began to compliment my skills in bed.  A lot.  And I began to realize that the connection between dance and sex had a truth hidden under a romantic metaphor.  Couple dancing taught me how to follow my partner extremely well.  The natural state of my body is tension – I’m often anxious and pacing around – but once I was able to relax through dancing, I found how easy it was to let each subtle change in pressure on my body lead me to synchronize my movements with my partner’s.  Rhythm is equally important in dancing together.  As long as both partners have a sense of rhythm, they should at least be stepping at the same time.  I think my strong sense of rhythm comes from early childhood experiences with music – I was born into a musical family and played piano – but it was certainly enhanced by dancing.  I constantly get annoyed when people start a figure on the wrong beat, because it completely throws me off the rhythm.

Sex is also built on following and rhythm.  When having sex, one needs to be sensitive to his partner’s movements.  One has to match your partners movements, and if one person slows down, so down the other.  If one partner starts getting rough (and both partners like that) the other partner should react accordingly.  Partners having sex can also gracefully change positions.  Especially if both partners have been sexually involved for a long time, being attune with each other, sense when the other partner isn’t enjoying themselves, switch positions, change pace, etc.  And, the need for rhythm hardly needs to be explained.  You can’t have sex unless you’re moving together and are able to adjust your rhythm as well.

So, basically, I figured out why I’m good at sex.  Yet one more way dancing has changed my life.

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Sexuality Spectrum – Loss of Innocence

New photoshoot for my Sexuality Spectrum project is up here! :)

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Importance of Size in Sex

I’m going to honor a request I had from a man asking, “How important is penis size in sex?”  I can’t bring up any statistics on this, but this seems to be one of the most frequently asked questions.  It’s so common that I can easily see it appearing in a women’s magazine like Cosmo under the title, “Does size really matter?” or “Men’s top 100 worries about Sex.”  I’m going to answer this both personally and from my general knowledge about sex.  It breaks down into two parts: 1.) Feel – comfort/pleasure and 2.) Fetish – “big/little cocks are hot” or masochism e.g.

When it comes to feel, it’s about relative size not absolute size.  A huge cock in a tiny pussy is probably going to be painful without a lot of lube and warmup.  At the same time, putting a small cock into a large vagina is probably not going to feel great for either partner.  I think everyone can agree that fullness without pain is the best sensation (unless you’re a masochist or have a similar kink.)  So, yes, this usually means bigger is better.  But, keep in mind that there is such a thing as too big.  It doesn’t matter how much you stretch, there’s going to be some unpleasant cervix hitting going on when you put large penises inside tight vaginas.  It’s just what happens.  So, big tends to be better, but only relatively.

And remember, anuses aren’t like vaginas.  They’re smaller, take more time to stretch out, and sticking anything in them without lube is both incredibly painful and dangerous.  When it comes to pleasurable anal sex, I – and probably a majority of other people – like small penises.  Asses are really tight, so you don’t need to stick something huge in there for it to feel great.  Slowly stretching out the ass can be a fun process, but if you just want good, pleasurable sex, smaller is better.  Now, having a fetish for anal stretching or painful sex goes into the second category.

Unfortunately in our society, having a large cock is equated with masculinity and power.  Some people like men with small penises, so the men can be humiliated in a role play scene.  Other people take a different approach to this equation, fetishizing large penises, because they like “manly men.”  In either case, people are putting a twist on a completely culturally determined association of size with power, and this is totally fine.  Twisting social rules and playing with taboo are what make kink hot.  (The collation of male power with libido strength is a problem I’ll discuss some other time.)

And, there are people who like pain.  There are who want to role-play rape or want sex that isn’t so comfortable, who want to be crying and screaming while being fucked.  And that’s totally okay as well, as long as it’s done consensually.  Playing with rape is closely related to a purely fetish interest in large penises, because both are related to the equation of male power with penis size.

So, yes, size does matter.  Relative size matters.  People with vaginas like to feel full without being in pain.  This comfortable size would be smaller for smaller people.  However, sometimes people don’t want to be comfortable or enjoy humiliating people with small penises.  When fetishizing the association of male power with penis size, comfort is less of an issue.

 

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Sexuality Spectrum – Nature Bondage

First photo shoot for my my Sexuality Spectrum project is up!

http://submissionandspirituality.com/?page_id=182

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Summer Projects!

I’m focusing my attention on new creative projects while I still have the time!

  1. I’ve been doing a lot of modeling.  I’ll add a modeling page to this website, and
  2. I’m also going to write posts describing many of my interesting experiences.
  3. The Sexuality Spectrum Project.  A collaboration between myself and photographers in illustrating human sexuality.  See the page at the top of the screen for details.
  4. Poetry.  I’m writing a series of mostly gender-free poems inspired by random people I see on the street.  These somewhat fictional glimpses into human lives celebrates the diversity of humanity in a Whitman-esque manner.
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Under the Cerry Blossoms – A Dream

Maybe it’s the birds or maybe it’s the other people in the house, but something regularly wakes me up about 45 minutes before my alarm goes off.  This causes my alarm to go off right in the middle of a dream.  Most of the time the dreams make no sense, but I remember a particular section of a dream quite vividly.

I was at the entrance to an unfamiliar graveyard with a large group of girls.  It appeared to be some kind of camp, and the assigned activity was the trust exercise in which one person is blindfolded while the other leads her around. I don’t recognize anyone in this group of people but some random girl appeared to be my friend, and it just so happened that the girl I have a crush on was my partner for this exercise.  She’s blindfolded, and I hold her hand.  The trust that passes through our linked hands goes beyond friendship.  I feel almost a spiritual connection, as she puts her trust in me.

Eventually the graveyard turns into the familiar graveyard of my childhood.  I lead her to my favorite cherry tree, which happens to be in full bloom.  A large, tall gravestone sits right under the tree, and if you climb on top of it and lie down, you stare right into the blossoms overhead.  I lead this girl onto this gravestone and lay her on her back with me above her, so when she opened her eyes, she would see the majestic sight above.  Indeed, she opened her eyes and gasped as she looked up at me and the canopy of blossoms above her head.  As she looked into my eyes, I knew there was a deep romantic connection between up, and I kissed her.  We made out passionately for what seems like hours, and I was so joyed to learn that she returned my feelings that I was about to cry.

So, yes.  I do like sweet vanilla romance, and I really do miss it at times.  The graveyard also has deep significance to me, as all of my spiritual childhood dreams took place in that setting.  I feel like I have a very deep spiritual connection to the place, and that all my dreams that take place there have some hidden meaning.  My romantic attraction to women is also highly spiritual and much more intense than that with men, although it is also much rarer.  Something important is happening in my life, but I have no idea what it is.  Whenever I’m in a bad mood, though, I just think of this dream, and I’m overcome with happiness.

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